Ave Atque Vale
by MauMaster
Summary: But I will say this - if you think that Downworlders haven't any hearts, haven't emotions, haven't loved or made a difference in the world… You didn't know Magnus.


**Title: **Ave Atque Vale

**Summary: **_But I will say this - if you think that Downworlders haven't any hearts, haven't emotions, haven't loved or made a difference in the world… You didn't know Magnus._

**Notes: **Hm. About time I came out with a new angsty Malec, huh? This is an idea I've been toying with ever since I finished When Forever Ends and I actually wound up writing it during NaNo (it stole almost 2k worth of writing time...). Well. There's not much to say. Get tissues? And thanks in advance for reading!

(Yes, I am aware that I failed PerFaPoMo. I will get those up ASAP, plus the next installment to Mill to Mace to Malec, as soon as I actually write Mace)

_**Warning: I have included Tessa Gray from Infernal Devices in this. I have a brief mention of an event from the book that I don't think is too spoilerish, but if you really want to avoid it, I would save this fic for later.**_

**Disclaimer: I asked Santa for Mortal Instruments this year. But Christmas isn't here yet, AND I'm Jewish, so I don't think it's going to happen. The rights still belong to Cassie Clare. (I also don't own Tessa).**

* * *

Alec didn't know it was possible to hurt this much.

It isn't just physically, though a million invisible knives are stabbing into his skin. He hurts _everywhere_, in his muscles, in his head, his eyes, his heart. He can feel his mother's patronizing, pitying stare as Isabelle and Jace combine their strength to keep him somewhat on his feet. She warned him about going out. She told him that he wasn't ready to leave his bed, let alone leave the Institute.

But he can't _not_ be here. He needs this.

Isabelle has a hand on his elbow, but he's mostly leaning into Jace. He's being a good sport about it, too. Even though Alec's hands are muddied and bleeding again after his first fall, while getting out of the car, he lets him cling on to his white suit, he helps him stay upright.

It's Clary who gets them from the back of the crowd to the front. She leads the way as the three Lightwoods stumble together behind her. Alec is glad – he doesn't think he has the energy to part the people, but he _wants to_, so badly, because he needs to see _him_, he needs to be with him.

Maybe then it won't all hurt so much.

Alec sees familiar faces in a blur as they pass. Nobody speaks to him. They just give him a sad look.

He sees Simon conferring quietly with Luke and Maia in a corner, while Jocelyn stands nearby, her hand over her bulging stomach. He sees Aline and her parents talking to Amatis. He sees a large portion of the local vampire coven, Camille and Raphael included, keeping as far as possible from the werewolves, but present.

Downworlders and Shadowhunters, all congregated in one place, all for one person.

This comforts Alec, even if only slightly. He was loved.

When they reach the front, Alec is surprised to see several seats cleared. Reserved, he realizes. His legs are shaking and he thinks that perhaps his weight is getting too much for his siblings to support, so he asks them to deposit him in one. They oblige and take the seats on either side.

Alec glances over at Isabelle, whose makeup is already smeared down her face, and then at Jace, whose jaw is clenched determinedly.

Then he looks forward.

And then he breaks.

The pain, all that pain inside him, all that pain that isn't physical, explodes and he's doubled over in his seat. He wraps his arms around his middle, as if that will keep the pain in and stop others from seeing what's supposed to be a strong, capable Shadowhunter fall to pieces.

It doesn't work. He barely registers the hot trails his tears leave on his cheeks or the shudder of his shoulders that causes Robert and Mayrse to burst through the hordes of people to reach him.

Even though his eyes are shut tight, Alec can still see the closed coffin perfectly. _He can't breathe_, he wants to yell, but he can't even calm down enough to breathe. _He can't breathe! You have to open it, he can't breathe! He's going to die!_

But he's already dead.

And the coffin is closed so they don't need to look at the damage.

Alec doesn't want to believe that the scorched body was him. He doesn't want to remember the acrid smoke that filled his lungs or the blue flames that licked over the boundaries of the pentagram. But he does and he knows that it won't make a difference whether or not that coffin receives oxygen. It's already too late.

It's not until Clary's mane of red hair appears in front of him that he is able to calm down. He doesn't want to be sedated with a rune again. He wants to be here, alert.

Even if alert only hurts.

Alec's not sure how much time passes before everyone else takes their seats. He knows that Isabelle and Jace have been replaced by his parents, but he doesn't think it matters who is next to him.

Because the only one that matters is in front of him and is locked in that box.

A woman in a flowing black dress stands at the podium, her brown hair pulled into a loose bun and her face devoid of any makeup. She looks young, but Alec gets the sense that she isn't.

"My name is Tessa," she says loudly and her voice echoes off the walls. Alec isn't sure where they are. It isn't a church, but it is ornate. He thinks Magnus would have loved to throw a party here.

The girl continues. "I've known Magnus for almost one hundred and fifty years. He was the first warlock I ever met. He…" She stops here to wipe her eyes and laugh. "Well, he actually helped me infiltrate a vampire party. He was a perfect gentleman, despite the fact that he made me more privy than I would have liked to his private life.

"Magnus was always… a risk taker, I suppose. In the time I knew him, he was always trying something new. A new date, a new party, a new city, a new trend. I'll admit, I haven't really seen him in the recent years. After living in London, we parted ways, communicated solely through letters and few chance meetings. He was always daring and always so fascinated with everything he loved. I swear, if you ever spoke to him about _anything _he was interested in, it was like a child in a candy store."

Alec vaguely realizes that she's looking at him as she says this. Magnus had spoken to his friends about him? He doesn't think this should be as much of a shock – it seems that everyone in the Downworld knows about them due to Magnus's gossip train. But he hasn't even heard of Tessa before, so it does shock him a little.

"He made a lot of sacrifices for people he loved." Tessa's voice goes soft. "I think everyone does. But Magnus… he loves so deeply, so intensely… He gave his biggest sacrifice just last week and I would hate to be the one to tell him that he failed.

"Some of you don't believe that this was a sacrifice. Some of you think this was a murder. Some of you think this was a suicide." Tessa sounds desperate and Alec's chest feels like it's being torn apart. All those people… all those officials… all those interrogations and questions and those accusations that _he _was the one who could have done such a horrible thing, that _he _was the one that took Magnus Bane out of this world when he can't even imagine a world without him.

"You're wrong." Her tone is firm. "The person you believe killed him in sitting in front of me, more torn apart than any of you. And _why_, please tell me _why_, Magnus would _want_ to leave someone who loves him so much?"

Alec chokes and the pain bursts out of the little box at the back of his heart that he stored it in. It _hurts_, oh, by the Angel, he knows it _hurts_, and he doesn't want to think about it but how can he not?

He _loves_ Magnus, he knows that he does. But he knows that Tessa is lying.

Because in essence, he killed Magnus Bane.

Tessa doesn't wait for him to collect himself to continue. She doesn't wait for the not-so-hushed whispers to stop. She just speaks. "Magnus was only trying to push his limits. He was only trying to challenge himself. He was only trying to save the life of the person he loved. He certainly wouldn't be the first to want it, to want to spend eternity with someone whose life was only going to flicker out before he could blink! The difference? The thing that made Magnus Bane someone worth remembering?"

The room is silent now, save for Alec's rattled sobs which he's trying to stop, but just can't.

"He thought it was worth the risk. And he tried," Tessa murmurs. "So don't think that he was a coward. Don't think that he was a fool. He knew what he was going into. He knew he was risking his own life. The only thing he didn't realize was that he might have been risking Alec's as well. He wasn't selfish. He wasn't greedy. The only thing that happened was that he found the person he wanted to spend his life with and he tried to make that possible." Tessa steps down from the podium and lightly touches the dark wood of the coffin with just her fingertips. "I'm not a Shadowhunter and neither was Magnus. I won't send him off the way the Nephilim do. But I will say this - if you think that Downworlders haven't any hearts, haven't emotions, haven't loved or made a difference in the world… You didn't know Magnus." She rubs viciously at her eyes now and her face is quite puffy. "Thank you."

She retreats to the back of the room, but nobody's eyes follow her. They fall on Alec instead, who is struggling for control, struggling for his dignity.

It's Jace that hauls him to his feet again. He collapses into his brother's arms, unable to move. He feels like he's been filled with bricks, he feels like he's just a big rag doll that's trying to play human.

"Come on. You need to do this. It'll help," Jace whispers, but the room is so quiet that Alec is sure everyone hears. He can't see – his vision is too blurred – but the red Marks on Jace's suit give him a place to look. He faces him and shakes his head, unable to form coherent words.

He's dying. Every second that ticks by is another second closer to his death. Even if the magic hadn't backfired, he'd be dying. The only change? He's now racing towards it instead of creeping.

The Clave doctors give him two weeks. Alec doesn't even give himself two days. Broken bones, numbing nerves, he could struggle past them for some times.

But half a heart can't keep someone alive.

He doesn't want to go near the coffin, he doesn't want to be so close to Magnus. He doesn't deserve this jarring reminder that he _failed_, he doesn't need to see that Alec will die even after he gave up his own immortality.

But Jace tugs him forward and so he must.

Alec stares at the smooth wood of the closed coffin for a solid minute (_He can't breathe, he's going to suffocate, he can't breathe)_. This sort of pain is unbearable. Everything but logic must be pushed away if he intends to block it out. Emotions and memories must be swept to the side if he'd like to avoid this pain that's killing him even faster than his weakened body that's slowly turning on itself.

Facts are what remain, they are the only things that _can _remain if he intends to stay sane for just a little longer _(He's dead, he doesn't need to breathe, he's dead)._ He lays his hands flat on the coffin and he's aware of Jace holding onto him, just in case he topples over.

The barrier he's making refuses to work and again, the _agony_ rips through his body. Physical pain is easy to contain, but this is entirely different.

Alec leans down and presses his lips to the smooth wood gently. "Ave atque vale," he chokes out. "Hail and farewell, Magnus Bane."

A deafening silence follows as Alec struggles for the right words to say, the perfect way to express what he feels. He's never been good at that, but Magnus deserves it.

He settles for less than the best.

"I love you."

* * *

Note: Okay. So. This ended way differently than I had planned. I wanted Camille to outright accuse Alec of murdering Magnus. I wanted there to be drama. I wanted there to be STUFF. But then... Then Alec told me he was dying. And then Camille was like "Uhm, no, I'm not going to yell at the dying kid!" and then I was like "Crap, there goes my plotline." And then Tessa walked in and I figured I might as well give Magnus a proper send off. *Sigh* I'm really sad that I killed Magnus. A rite of passage for a fandom, for me... I always have to kill someone off eventually, usually one of my favorite characters. Originally, I toyed with the idea of it being Alec that was dead, but that's cliche. Alec always dies first. I actually don't think I've ever seen a fic where Magnus dies. So. I decided to cross that line.

I hope you... enjoyed isn't the right word, huh? Review, please! I love feedback, especially if you tell me what you liked/didn't like/found striking/if my characterization was on or off (I'm a bit obsessive about characterization, I hate when it's off, I think I was wrong with Tessa...)/etc. Tell me I'm a soulless monster for killing Magnus, if you'd really like to. I'm considering a prequel sort of oneshot, where Magnus actually attempts the spell, but you know how it is when I say I'm considering something... it sort of rarely happens.

Thank you for reading!


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